I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
