You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
