Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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