dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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