With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
