I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
