How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
