maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
