they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I could make wine with my vomit
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
