ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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