its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
