You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
