How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
