just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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