Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
