Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
