i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
