So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
