I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
