so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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