tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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