I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
