I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These tits shall not be calmed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
