some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My bed smells like the plague
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
