Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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