This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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