hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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