look no pants
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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