the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
