Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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