i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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