Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
