I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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