That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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