At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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