Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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