No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
