she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
