God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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