She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize