this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
