some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
