Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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