dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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