Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
