Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
