TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
