I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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