Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
