Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
