When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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