We won't sleep together?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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