Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
