Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
