I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
