dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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