Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
