so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
